Coffee Shop


So I would like to tell you a story about why I don’t go to a local coffee shop anymore.

Every day or two for the last year or so I used to going into the same coffee shop.  Its a small independently owned place with just a few employees and not a ton of traffic.  The kind of place that has been around for years and does just enough business to remain open.

Most days when I went there I was there long enough to order a coffee, maybe a pastry, pay, and then leave; so about 10-15 minutes.  Occasionally, when I wanted to see more than my own four walls, I would take my laptop and spend a few hours there.

During the times I have spent there I have gotten to know Gerrard and Anna pretty well.  Gerrard is a grad student with dreams of becoming a big time film maker in LA and Anna is in her 3rd year of college with hopes of becoming a singer.  Gerrard has shown me a few of his videos and they are really good; I especially like how he tells a story.  Anna has the voice of a thousand angles and is truly an undiscovered talent.

One day when I visited Gerrard and Anna were working together and they were very excited to share something with me.   They showed me a music video they had made together.  It was a cover of “Happily Ever After” by He is We and it was amazing.  Those two really had great chemistry on camera together.  So I asked if they were dating.  They said they were not, and things got kind of awkward after that so I just got a coffee and left.

The next day I went in and Gerrard was working by himself.  I told him I was sorry about yesterday I just thought that he and Anna would make a cute couple.  They had even kissed in the video so it seemed natural.  He admitted that Anna was a nice girl but he was not interested in her like that.  So then I told him that he was dumb because Anna was quite a catch and any guy would be happy to be with her and that their chemistry was so good so he should just do it.  Gerrard then told me it was really none of my business and asked rather rudely what kind of coffee I wanted.  However, I was not done yet.  I apologized for prying and then explained that I just knew they were to be together.  After all they had worked together for so long.  They were amazing in the video. And… and it wasn’t like he was seeing anybody else.

Then all Gerrard said was, “It’s on the house.”

I had not noticed but he handed me my normal coffee order and then went back to work completely ignoring me and pretending the store was empty.

So I asked him if he was okay.  He said he was.  Then I said to him that if he wouldn’t be so dumb about it and just see how perfect Anna is for him it would be much better.  He continued to ignore me so I went and sat down and drank my coffee for a few minutes.  When I couldn’t take it any longer I asked, “Gerrard are you gay?”

After that he completely ignored me and just went into the back part of the store.  After about 15 minutes I decided he hadn’t heard me and must be super busy so went back home for he day.

The next day I went back to the coffee shop and Anna was working.  I knew this was my chance.  After placing my order I asked her how long she and Gerrard had been dating.  Poor girl nearly choked on her tongue.  She said they were not dating.  I of course pretended that I didn’t know this and asked why not.  She stated that Gerrard was just a co-worker and she wasn’t interested in him that way.  Then I proceeded to tell her how awesome he was and that he was a film maker and just perfect for her in every way.  Anna said she appreciated my interest but it was really none of my business.  I told her that I was just doing what any concerned friend would do and trying to hook up two people I knew very well.

I don’t know if I had something on my face or what but Anna just stared at me for a few moments and then said, “You don’t know either one of us very well.  I don’t even know Gerrard that well.”

“Yes I do, ” I protested.


“Well I come into this coffee shop nearly every day and see one or both of you.”

“Well you do come in here a lot but that doesn’t mean you know us.  You only see us on average of 10-15 minutes every day or so.  And even when you stay longer you are not always talking to us; most of the time you are on your laptop.”

“You are wrong.  I do know you because I come in here everyday.  In fact I know you better than you know yourself.  And you are just a stupid whore for not seeing what is right in front of you.  I don’t know why you and Gerrard are being such stubborn idiots about this.   You are probably dating each other and just don’t want to tell anybody.  I bet you have sex in the back of the store.  I don’t know why you are fighting it.  YOU ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER!!!  I bet this is some sort of super secret gay conspiracy that is keep you two apart.  You are both just dumb retards .  Ask anybody who comes in here they will tell you the same.  I really do bet you are together but won’t tell anybody.”

“Most people who come in here respect Gerrard and mine’s privacy enough not to shout at us and accuse us of being together when we are not.  They come here because they enjoy our coffee not because we are or are not dating.”

“Whatever ANNA.  I know they know about you two.  And you know they know about you two.  Stop denying it.  Your coffee really isn’t very good, and neither is your singing.  I only came here because it was close.  This is fucking stupid.”

“Please leave.”


“If you don’t like our coffee that much then please leave and never come back.”

“Oh I will Anna, and I will tell EVERYBODY about how you two are sleeping together and how your coffee is terrible and that you like to drown fish!  GOODBYE.”

And with that I stormed out and have never gone back.  I don’t know why they cannot just be together.  They really do belong together.  I am right and they are wrong.  Besides my new coffee place has better coffee.


PS. There is more…







I hope this fictitious recount of the time I stopped going to a local coffee shop has upset you; because I wrote it to do just that.  The reason I did this is because this is exactly how some people act with people they watch on YouTube.  I am confused as to why people think this kind of attitude is okay online but unacceptable IRL.  As we continue to have newer and faster ways to connect with people it is good to remember that just because you are not in the same physical room with somebody does not mean all your manners are obsolete.



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